This post was particularly difficult for me to post, in fact took me longer than usual to post because I had to consciously admit on paper or screen, if we being technical 🙈 to making mistakes with how I was reacting to my child’s mistakes… it’s never easy to admit you are doing something wrong… but what I am learning, and I say learning cause I am still making the same mistakes, but am working on it every time, progress takes time, lots of time in my case… so this blog is a story all about how my parenting style got twisted upside down and I’d like to take a minute just sitting right here and tell you how I realized I was making a mess of mistakes..!
Ok ok enough fresh prince I get carried away sometimes 😂😂🙈This is how my awakening happened…I was running late for a party again (am perpetually late for everything), I quickly jumped into the car and Maya had this look on her face, that scared look like she had done something so terrible she regretted…what could it be I hear you ask..?? She had drawn with pen on her tights and was holding onto her tights so I wouldn’t see and sat there looking worried… what’s wrong I asked, nothing was her reply, why you holding your tights..? Tears started to form as she kept holding her tights…My usual response in these situations is to start scolding her, she is old enough to know better..
But this time it was different, In this moment my heart broke.. Something in her eyes, my own child was afraid to tell me she had made a mistake… I realized then how much pressure i put on my first born to be perfect… the other two girls take so much time and attention cause they younger that we just expect Maya to do what’s right all the time… forgetting she is only four and that four is still small and that it’s a lot of pressure to put on a four year old…her day is full of don’t do this or you not teaching your sisters the right things, stop crying your a big girl now, you going to make your sisters cry…Now it had got to the point where she was scared to just admit her mistake, a simple silly mistake…
In that moment I had a paradigm shift in my parenting… I know what’s it’s like to grow up under pressure and always trying to please people..I am an only child and growing up alone when you make a mistake it’s harder on you, cause you don’t have a brother or sister to take the heat off you or make your mistake look better cause it wasn’t as bad as theirs… the spot light is all on you… and so I grew up being hard on myself about the mistakes I made, I still am hard on myself cause I don’t want to disappoint my parents, my husband, my kids , family, friends and so the list goes on..so this is a good learning curve for both Maya and I..
I went down onto her level and looked her in the eyes and told her it’s ok to make a mistake… cause really the reality is that it is ok to make mistakes, everyone makes them and that’s how we learn, from our mistakes…dried her tears, took off her tights gave her new ones and that night we fixed her mistake and put vanish on her tights and put them in the washing machine… problem solved and lesson learnt…mistakes can be fixed..!!! Thank you makers of vanish for removing stains, otherwise my great teaching moment of removing mistakes could have gone south 😂😂🙈
It was bed next and we read this wonderful story called “Beautiful Oops”..!!! The book is all about how to turn “an oops” into something beautiful… A lesson I want to keep instilling in my girls from young, that it’s ok to make mistakes life’s not perfect but it’s what you do when you make a mistake that counts…This book is so much fun and the girls loved seeing how simple mistakes could turn into beautiful oops’s…torn pieces of paper into crocodile teeth, crumbled paper into sheep wool, the possibilities of how to fix the mistakes are endless…here’s a few sneak peaks the book..
The pictures of us says it all..This book is really captivating and so much fun..The girls loved it.. Cianna thinks is a peek a boo book and is always excited to turn the pages to see what’s next…!
These are my goals for a more positive approach to mistakes made:
1. Make eye contact and go down to their level and tell them why it was wrong but ask how can we make it better..
2. Apologize when I make mistakes..
3. Calm the hell down it’s not the end of the world to make a mistake..! we will live to see another day and try to find something beautiful in my oops.. if all else fails eat chocolate/drink vodka/have a cuppa and then go back to finding a solution..
4. Laugh…!!!!! Remeber this Marcia just Laugh..!!!
We have read this book so many times it’s really a favourite and it must be doing the trick cause the other day i forgot Maya’s water bottle when I dropped her at school, so I apologized and told her it was a mistake I left it on the kitchen counter… her reply warmed my heart.. “it’s ok to make mistakes mommy, I’ll make a plan and use the cup from school”… we getting there one mistake at a time..!!
If you have any suggestions on what else works, holla I need all the help I can get.. night night from us and creative dreams xx