Parent Interview

We had parent interview last week at Maya’s school and I can honestly say if I had kids when I was teaching I would have been a completely different teacher.. I used to sit there explaining to parents what standards their kids where not reaching but never fully understood the repercussions of what they must have been going through emotionally… For me it was simple there was an area of weakness that I had identified according to the standards and we as a team with the parents should do all we can to help their child to reach their fullest potential…Don’t get me wrong I had some emotions from my end but the bottom line was lets do whats in the best interest of the child…Being on the other end of the chair is a completely different experience, first off I must admit I have this ideal in my head of what I think Maya is capable of and what my expectations of her are (yes yes yes you right ego ego ego, I haven’t quite made it through the book The Conscious Parent so I am admitting that my ego still exists)..I’ll put it out there in my heart of hearts I want her to do well, I want her to excel in school, to be a kind hearted child, to be creative, to be athletic, to win awards, to be a leader, to have good manners…But even as I type this I realise what crazy high standards I set for my child, perfection is probably the word closest to what I expected of Maya, its crazy to think I thought all of this actually ok….its hard to admit but its so true I want her to be so many things at the age of 5 its actually scary now I have put it down on paper and seen what my expectations of her have been…

So there I was sat across this teacher with my ego firmly intact listening and ready to hear what Maya had been up to at school this term….It started off quite easy with them telling me she has good manners, ego check 1… is a kind friend ego check 2… is independent ego check 3… then some areas we need to work on, wait what for a moment my ears felt like they weren’t functioning right…Maya’s speech has always been a concern for us so I as prepared to hear this, but breaks down crying when she can’t complete a task I wasn’t ready for, then struggling with data handling, then it was tracing, then is only on 24 piece puzzles then battles, then the knife that stabbed my heart ‘Maya can’t hold her paintbrush right”…what the hell…!!!!!! We do painting almost every day and this child can’t hold a paint brush correctly…. I left the meeting and thanked the teacher for all her hard work after all this poor woman is only doing her job and I once too was in her shoes so I respect her opinion… Got to my car with the weight on my shoulders thinking what, how did I not see any of these, how did I miss this, why didn’t I pay more attention to puzzles, puzzles are important…..I am a teacher I should know better, I should have been checking or teaching, I am a stay at home mom this is my job, this child is my job and now she is struggling its all my fault…

Phoned Craig and explained to him how the meeting went and told him the plan of action was to enrol Maya in extra math, extra tracing, extra puzzles ha ha ha ha ha trust me at that point in time I would have found a puzzle club, his ego kicked in…I had a 30 minute talk on how I spoil the kids, there is too much tv in the house, not enough routine, not enough vegetables in their diet which all increases thinking skills… By the time I got home I was mad with myself, I was mad with Maya, mad with the school I mean I pay school fees isn’t it their job to teach thats why I send her to school and not home school her, I was just mad…. I got home and started shouting about the tv being on and how these kids don’t listening to me and am only speaking once and thats it…!!! I gave a sermon on how we never give up and what nonsense is this that she cries if she can’t do something… By the time I put the kids to bed there had been tears, sulking, whining, it was an emotional rollacoster… After they fell asleep and I actually digested everything properly the guilt set in, my poor 5 year old had been a victim of my perfectionist standards…I cried by my daughters bed that night and apologised and just thanked God for blessing me with Maya..

I mean seriously I as a grown adult, I buy a three day detox and after a day and a half I give up and then start crying bout how hard it is and people don’t understand what being a sugar addict is really like… but I want to shout at a 5 year old for crying when things are difficult… I struggle with excel and make excuses why I don’t want to do it, but its ok to be mad with my child cause she is struggling to plot a graph….Really it just was ridiculous how I could hold my 5 year old to higher expectations than I hold myself accountable for…It just so happened that earlier that week my friend Kanya had told me about a kids book that I have to read called Tullula all about courage and thinking outside the box and a day after my parent interview Aunty Shirley had sent me a Ted Talk about how we need to teach our girls to be less perfect and have more courage… This was my sign from God… Remember why you started this blog Marcia its ok to be perfectly imperfect and rather teach Maya to have courage than scold her for not being perfect…

I knew we had to try something different with our art this week, something out of the box, something inspired by courage and not perfection.. So we did we melted crayons and made art instead of drawing with them, anyone can draw with crayons but it takes the courage to try new things…

What you need for a Courageous Masterpiece:

• Hairdryer
• Canvas (what ever size you prefer)
• Wax crayons (we used crayola ones they worked well)
• Fork incase the crayon is too short to hold.
• Mat/ black bag to protect the floor cause it gets messy when wax melts…it may also go onto walls when you blow dry so cover walls or do it outside with an extension cord… the wax does come off easily off walls with Handy Andy if you get some on walls…

How to Make a Courageous Masterpiece:

• Place the canvas at an angle so the wax can drip down.. (Keep turning the canvas in different directions as you are melting the crayons to get different effects).
• Let a grown up hold the crayon so children don’t get burnt by the wax… Take of the wrapper on crayon….Hold the crayon next to the canvas so the wax can splatter as it melts..
• Turn on the hairdryer on high and facet words the crayon and watch the wax melt onto canvas… You can move the hairdryer around to make the wax move in different directions….Keep turning canvas around so wax can melting different directions…
• Use as many or as little colours as you like…
• The results are stunning and perfectly imperfect…

And so that week I took Maya the long way to school and  I apologised to Maya and I told her I knew she was trying her best at school and told her how proud of her we are and told her that she should remember that instead of crying when she can’t do something to have courage and tell the teacher to explain it again because she still doesn’t understand it…. I used the book Tullula to reinforce my courageous message, ill say this over and over again… Books hold so much power for kids, books are truly the best gift you can give a child….We read the book Tullula and sing the songs that come with the CD and we love it…

I actually was privileged enough to go to the book lunch of Tullula hosted by Stone Culture and learn about the heart of Tullula… I was blown away…!!!! The story behind this book is so powerful and full of courage by the remarkable people that put this masterpiece together.. From Simon the man who sewed this book who was courageous enough to travel to joberg from Limpopo having never left his home town to see what opportunities his craft would offer after just a phone call…To the publisher who took a courageous chance and knew something had to be done when she saw the skills that had gone into a pillow case she had fallen in love with, to the author who had the courageous vision of such a beautiful story line to encourage kids… There is something that changes your mindset and attaches you to a story when you truly understand what goes on in the heart of a book…I have to add that the original book is hand sewn and truly a masterpiece…

I actually hung up the wax art I made with the girls and made one for Craig’s office just  to remind us as parents that we need to teach our girls to be courageous and not worry about being perfect… Note to self again Marcia “you and your girls are perfectly imperfect and that is just fabulous”…I did apologise to the teacher for being off in the meeting and excused my ego for its bad behaviour, this poor woman is only doing her job and has my Childs best interest at heart (I know I was there once)… And my school fees can’t actually fix every problem I need to take some accountability, and also extra puzzle lessons are actually hard to find I actually googled it hee hee hee…. Yes we have areas to work on and I have decided we will do it through play, she is just too young to have to sit getting lectured at 5… So we can go on bug hunts to plot data, and have family puzzle projects or draw our own puzzle pieces… But the paint brush story ahh that she must get right I paint every other day my ego won’t let that go ha ha ha ha ha….

This week I hope you have a courageous week rather than a perfect one.

Love